Defending Marriage

IT HAPPENED again today at work. A college aged female co-worker declared, “If you never get married, you’ll never get divorced.”

She posed the popular theme among young people that marriage is, well, too scary to risk. A high school aged female co-worker also confessed last night that “I know most girls dream of their wedding day. I never did. I don’t think I ever want to get married.”

Boys and girls, this anti-marriage vibe is becoming epidemic. And it seems the dissent is coming from the fear of failure. “My parents (grandparents, etc.) got divorced, so why bother getting married? After all, it’s just a piece of paper.”

Lynley and Jack Kroft are personally on the front lines to DEFEND the institution of MARRIAGE!

Here’s our two cents worth: Lynley was married for 23 plus years. The guy cheated on her. Several times. Then he divorced her, even though she insisted on working things out.

Jack’s wife got tired of his lies to her and even though Jack got help and overcame this issue, he also struggled floating from job to job. His wife bailed out, even though they had four young children ages 12, 10, 7 and 1. Like Lynley, Jack was 100 percent against the divorce. He even told the judge so, and was granted an extra time of 9 months to work things out, but his wife never conceded. She even filed a restraining order on him because he sent her a birthday wish a few days after their divorce was finalized. Ouch! Love Hurts.

So… all that to say, married life can be a bear. But, you have to bear the bear and be a bigger bear. And, a better bear.

There is no sense going into marriage with the “if it doesn’t work out, we can divorce” mindset. So, the young people fearing marriage are correct, in that regard. Don’t get married if you aren’t going to stay married.

But our deal is DON’T LIVE TOGETHER OR HAVE SEX when you aren’t married. So, stay celebate. Unless you are willing to get married.

The Bible is our source for this. And, it works. Jack and Lynley were virgins when they were first married to their original spouses. So were their parents (who are both still married after more than 50 years together per couple!)

Here are some other tidbits I’ve gleaned for a cool Web site:

   http://www.maritalhealing.com/conflicts/risksofcohabitation.php

• Cohabitation presents a serious threat to the likelihood of later marital stability and happiness, as well as to the psychological health of children born into such unions.  Most young adults and their parents are unaware of the extensive literature on the dangers of cohabitation.  This article presents those serious risks to young adults and to children and to the society that is dependent upon stable, loving marriages and families.Family instability is on the rise for American children as a whole. This is mainly because more couples are having children in cohabiting unions, which are very unstable. A 2011 report indicated that children in cohabiting households are more likely to suffer from a range of emotional and social problems—drug use, depression, and dropping out of high school—compared to children in intact, married families,” (Why Marriage Matters, 2011).In the U.S., cohabitation, not divorce, now poses the biggest challenge to marriage. In 1960: 500,000 and in 2010: 7,529,000 couples cohabitate. More than 60% of marriages are now preceded by cohabitation (Wilcox et al. 2011.).A 2013 report on cohabitation from the National Center for Health Statistics was based on in-person interviews conducted between 2006 and 2010 with 12, 279 women, ages 15-44. It demonstrated:
  – as a first union, 48% of women cohabited with their male partner, up from 43% in 2002 and 34% in 1995;
  – 22 months was the median duration of first cohabitation, up from 20 months in 2002 and 13 months in 1995;
  -19% of women became pregnant and gave birth in the first year of a first premarital cohabitation and
  – 70% of women without a high school diploma cohabited as a first union, compared with 47% of those with a bachelor’s degree or higher.Roughly 40 percent of children now spend time in a cohabiting household. Twenty-one percent of children are born into cohabiting unions.

To sum up, don’t live together. Just, be like, boyfriend and girlfriend, and don’t have sex, until you are ready to say “I do” first.

Thanks for your comments below!

Jack and Lynley K