7 best ways to keep your marriage

Many married menLynley Construction.JPG

are toying with

DISASTER

By Jack Kroft

Lynley graciously allowed me to write this blog post with her blessing.

Married men, take it from Jack Kroft… King of Stupid…

He’s the dude who learns the HARD way, every time…

His first marriage looked BULLETPROOF. Not even Superman would have guessed Jack’s kryptonite that ultimately destroyed his first marriage. His was an addiction. Yours could be anything that keeps you from fulfilling your marriage vows the way you did when you were all starry-eyed on your wedding day (don’t act like you don’t remember that goofy look on your face in your wedding video!) The point is, all men get adjusted to married life by settling into “man style” living AFTER the wedding bliss is fading off into the proverbial sunset.

Men get comfy, they start to assume things. Wives get overlooked a little bit more each day. It’s not always a slope downward, but eventually, the roller coaster hits bottom. Ouch! She’s yelling at you for stuff you swear never happened… That’s your “man style” instincts that work with the guys, but will NOT work with your lovely.

So, here it goes, the SEVEN WAYS, my son…   for those of you blockhead husbands (like me!) out there who need CONCRETE proof (pun intended!)  Here are 7 ways to keep your wife from steamrolling over you (as in the illustration)… Each of the SEVEN WAYS will identify the ISSUE, then go right for a man-friendly solution. It’s not as complicated as she is, so don’t worry, you’ll get it…

#1: WOMEN REMEMBER STUFF. You’d be best served to realize that Internet history log you thought you’d erased, that secret text to that girl,  or that second glance at that other woman is gonna get noticed sooner or later.

SOLUTION: Don’t lie. Tell her exactly what you’re doing. (i.e. :I’m staring at that other woman because she looks like you would if you were her)…OK, not the smoothest line, but it may get a chuckle for your honesty. NEVER lie to your wife. You have to continually earn her trust. Don’t be the one that thinks this little lie won’t matter, no matter how small. Your lies just get more convincing over time, so DON’T get good at lying, get good at making the truth help her laugh!

#2: WOMEN TALK TO THEIR FRIENDS/MOMS/CO-WORKERS/SISTERS/ETC.

Are you still so dense that you don’t think your words won’t get back to people who will NEVER forgive you?

SOLUTION: Tell your wife ONLY things that you don’t mind the people in her life knowing. It’s like a billboard instead of a private text. If you aren’t proud of how you talk about others, consider how they talk about you.

#3: WOMEN LOVE GOOD SURPRISES

Don’t think that a night out with the guys without telling her is a good surprise. That would be a ‘bad surprise.’ Surprise her with good things, like tickets to the live theater she always wanted to attend; or to a romantic dinner at a new restaurant she’s been talking about. Snooping in her business, like finding out what her Pinterest, Snap Chat, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other stuff she’s posting about is a GOOD idea to get GOOD ideas to surprise her in a GOOD way. (Good boy!)

#4: WOMEN LOVE WHAT THEY CAN’T GET

When you aren’t sure, be mysterious in a good way, not in a dark or disturbing way.

SOLUTION: Tell her how much you want to be with her when you’re at work. Just call her at lunch and say: “I want to be with you tonight,” and then hang up. Call back in 33 seconds and say, “I can’t believe you hung up on me.”

She will be intrigued more than annoyed because you’ve used more than your usual 6.5 percent charm on her with a little boyish fun!

#5 WOMEN ARE THE JEALOUS TYPE

Don’t assume your “friends” on Facebook are her friends, too. Especially if they look like Elle McPherson (for you guys who grew up in the ’90s or later, Google her, but make sure your wife is watching and reading this with you!)

SOLUTION: Show her your hot friends, and if she isn’t impressed, tell her why you can’t get rid of them. Then expect a lot of abuse, either physical or mental. Decide how much abuse you can handle, then slip into a secret life and become the schmuck you were in high school. Or, better yet, “can” your Facebook account and find adventure in the real world. If life is too precious on Facebook, do FB in front of her with people she also knows. Either that, or allow her to creep on every tall, dark, handsome dude she sees. Either way, you can choose to be a creep and turn her into a she-creep, or you can read between the lines of sarcasm and cease and desist your rambunctious ways. Grow up, man!

(Lynley just reminded me I have no FB account. I reminded her she doesn’t have any FB friends. She kicked me playfully and said, “Real world is all I need.” Between us guys, though, tell your wife to friend her and see what she does. I’ll lay odds she’ll decline the friendship offer. She’s got HIIIIGH standards!)

#6 and #7: fill in your own remedies; I’m just a guy trying to kick start your thinking… 7 sounded better than 5. If you feel ripped off, remember, you’re married, get used to it!

(Now you know why Lynley doesn’t let me on here much!)

Check out our YouTube banter on: https://youtu.be/iY0cnABS1Rk

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