Our marriages failed: so how can we give you advice on staying together?

Alone in her new apartment, Lynley bawled like a baby until she fell asleep. She’d been sent away like a stray dog.

She felt so small; so helpless.

Alone in his trailer house, Jack bawled like a baby until he fell asleep. He’d been sent away like a stray dog.

He felt so small; so helpless.

Most marriages either:

  • fail through divorce
  • fail by avoidance & denial

Lynley and Jack had hit the first scenario; the Big D.

Those circumstances were out of their reach. Neither wanted a divorce; but both were handed it. We’ll discuss Divorce in a future blog post. So, if that’s you, read on, there’s hope…

In the second scenario: ( Lynley and Jack’s parents fit this category. Both sets of parents have been married since suits, ties and dresses were worn to public gatherings!) Couples stay together under the same roof, but endure silence, miscommunication, and even avoidance of one another. They stay together out of habit, or saving face, or the adult children, the minor children, whatever. There’s something missing, but they won’t ever tell you and you won’t see it until you look.

We’re not advocating divorce or separation in any instance, by the way. If you identify with the second category :

  • acknowledge your need to get help from your spouse
  • think completley differently about him or her

Getting help from each other means communicating in a different way. Look at each other as when you were first dating. Make eye contact. Realize who you really are and how much you can benefit as a team by talking, associating, and pursuing one another’s love languages. www.5lovelanguages.com

Thinking completely differently about each other means allowing for the inevitable changes of life to complement your life with your spouse, not draw you away. For example, as she matures, she may need a new friend or activity. Encourage that, but also get acquainted with the friend. Involve yourself in her new activity. Base your curiosity on her search for fulfillment. And ladies, don’t wait for him. Keep his back massaged and scratched. Feed him. Water him. Burp him. Make him never, ever want to stray. All it takes is a little touch, a little perfume, a little makeup, a little tighter clothes… you need a new look. He likes your adventurous spirit. You’re leading him down a path he wants to be led down.

 

When Lynley met Jack, she saw him as the savior of her lonely world. He was the isolation buster!

But Jack  did something even more significant for Lynley. He gave her a new sense of who she is meant to be.

If you’re jealous, confused, or have a comment or question, now is your turn. We’ll be happy to reply! Look for a new blog entries soon!

 

 

 

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